Military Transition Tip (MTT) 8: Learn to talk about your service

Quit making others "peel back the onion" for details.

We all know that transitioning from the military to civilian life is a significant and complicated journey. The experience is marked by a need to redefine identity, reestablish routines, create new professional and personal connections, open up on social media, and more.

One of the most critical aspects of this transition—and one of the most overlooked—is learning to communicate effectively about your military service. This isn’t just about sharing stories or highlighting your achievements but also understanding how to present yourself (in a positive way) that resonates with those who don’t share your experiences.

A common pitfall for many transitioning service members is an over-reliance on subtle cues or assumptions that others will intuitively understand your background, skills, and values.

Instead of expecting others to "peel back the onion" to uncover your military experience, it’s essential to take proactive steps to bridge the communication gap.

The majority of civilians don’t have direct experience with the military and only know what they see from Hollywood (which typically isn’t flattering).

While there is widespread respect and admiration for service members, there is also a complete lack of understanding of what military service entails.

Job titles, ranks, and even basic terminology may be completely foreign to a civilian audience. They have no idea what a noncommissioned officer (NCO) does and often view a 20-year NCO with less admiration than a 5-year O3 (Captain). (Not hating on Captains; just stating a fact.)

Assuming that others will "get it" can lead to misunderstandings or missed opportunities. Also, don’t mistake the reflexively generated “thank you for your service” as a good omen to a future hire. It’s become as automatic for people as saying “good morning.”

In civilian workplaces or social settings, being open and clear about your background helps establish trust. Ambiguity makes others hesitant, as they may not know how to relate to you or understand what you bring to the table. Transparency fosters mutual understanding and respect.

When you articulate your military experience in a relatable way, you make it easier for others to see how your skills and values align with their needs. This is particularly important in job interviews, networking events, or any situation where you’re trying to build connections. If people have to "guess" at your background, they’re less likely to fully appreciate what you have to offer.

I tell you this from the perspective of my own stupidity. I had no idea how to talk about my service as a Green Beret and GS13, so when asked, I’d typically respond with “I was in the Army.” When asked what I did in the Army, I’d respond with, “I was an Engineer.” Then (FINALLY) if the conversation miraculously kept going I’d finally admit to serving as a Special Forces Engineer Sergeant on a “team” in 5th Special Forces Group. No wonder there was confusion; I CREATED IT. Yuk.

Take time to reflect on your military experience and how it has shaped you. What roles did you hold? What challenges did you overcome? What skills did you develop?

Create a clear, concise narrative that you can share when appropriate. This doesn’t mean unloading every detail but rather creating a high-level summary that highlights key points of interest.

For example, instead of saying, “I was a platoon leader,” explain, “I led a team of 40 individuals in high-pressure situations, where I was responsible for operational planning, logistics, and team morale.”

Make it clear and easy for them. Military jargon is confusing to those who haven’t served.

Replace acronyms and technical terms with plain language everyone can understand. For instance, instead of saying you were an NCOIC, explain that you were a leader responsible for training and overseeing personnel.

You don’t have to share everything at once, but don’t make people work too hard to understand you, either.

Civilians often have questions about military service, ranging from the curious to the deeply personal. Prepare yourself for them by deciding in advance what you’re comfortable sharing and how you’ll respond. Having clear answers can make these interactions more meaningful and less awkward. Also, I highly recommend staying clear of combat stories.

One of the biggest challenges is helping civilians understand how military skills apply in non-military contexts. Whether it’s leadership, teamwork, problem-solving, or technical expertise, frame your skills in ways that align with civilian roles. For instance, describe how your experience coordinating logistics for missions translates to project management or civilian operations.

Your service has likely instilled you with a strong sense of values—integrity, discipline, service, and teamwork.

These are qualities that resonate in any setting. Be upfront about how these values influence your approach to work and relationships. For example, you might say, “In the military, I learned the importance of loyalty. accountability and perseverance, and those are principles I carry into everything I do.”

While your service is highly respected, it’s not universally understood. Avoid assuming that others will immediately grasp the significance of your roles or achievements. Instead, provide context to help them see the full picture.

It’s equally vital to avoid overwhelming others with too much detail. Focus on what is relevant to the conversation or setting. Strike a balance between being open and respecting boundaries.

Also, be mindful of how you present your military experience. Avoid leaning on stereotypes that might pigeonhole you in others’ eyes. Instead of emphasizing toughness or authority, highlight adaptability, empathy, or strategic thinking—qualities that are universally valued.

But it’s not all bad news.

Effective communication is a two-way street. Take time to understand the perspectives and experiences of civilians you interact with. This will help you find common ground and build rapport.

Look for ways to connect your military experience to civilian life. For example, if someone mentions working on tight deadlines, you could share how you managed time-sensitive operations.

Relating your experiences to theirs helps demystify your background and fosters connection.

Veteran Service Organizations (VSOs) and networks can be invaluable for transitioning service members. Not only do they provide resources and support, but they also offer opportunities to practice sharing your story with others who understand the nuances of military life.

When you stop making others guess about your military background and begin to share your story openly, you’ll find it easier to connect with others, build trust, and unlock new opportunities.

Being transparent doesn’t mean revealing everything; it means being intentional about how you present yourself and your experiences.

By taking these steps, you’ll make your transition smoother and help bridge the divide between military and civilian worlds.

Own your story, share it confidently, and transition smoothly.